is this supposed to still be happening?

i know i sound repetitive, but i have to get this off my chest. it feels like my world is great couldn't be better, until the thought of you comes about. someone that looks like you, your favorite kind of fake meat in the store, some lady that looks like your mom. and it makes me go back all over again..why can't i stop thinking about the time we ran on the beach in the rain, in virginia beach, late at night. and i remember how we "had" to stop and make out because it'd be like "in the movies" :D and when we had our first big fight, and i ran out on the sand and cried my eyes out. and you came out barefoot to yell at me and tell me how stupid i was acting. its almost like, even though you made me so miserable sometimes, it didn't matter because i loved being with you and i loved hanging out with you. and i'll never forget the time, you took me to dunkirk to meet your cousins and aunt. i fucking fell in fucking love with your kickass cousins so much, they're amazing. and i miss not going to visit them anymore. i miss your mom, she was so awesome and such a sweatheart. :( and i miss you, most of all, you. when you'd roll over in the middle of the night and wrap your arms around me really tight, i miss things like that. i miss having you there to talk to, and hanging out with you on the weekends. i miss tumbling in your backyard. i miss everything. i just can't forget. not yet anyways<3